Sunday, January 4, 2015

Was it the worst day of my life?

September 15th.  It's a day I will never forget. That was the day my husband of 19+ years came home from a trip and without looking me in the eyes said, "I can't do this anymore."

Less than two years earlier we moved our family of four from the heartland to west Texas.  It was a journey we made out of faith.  Hubby was offered the job of a lifetime, the kind you can't turn down.  We knew zero people in Texas.  The closest family members lived more than ten hours away.  We had to rely on the strength of our relationship and our faith.  While he was going to work for the university, I knew I wanted to continue with my teaching career.

Making friends has never been difficult for me.  I love meeting people, trying new experiences, and learning about what life has to offer. My husband was always a bit of an introvert.  His job was rather isolating; he definitely wasn't as social as me.  We would always joke that whenever we went out I would warm up the crowd and he would join in when he realized it was safe.

So when he said he couldn't do this anymore, I thought he was talking about the job.  I was wrong.  After more than 19 years of marriage and twenty-one years together he told me he wanted a divorce.

I'm writing this blog not to talk about the events that led to divorce, rather to talk about my new journey.

My name is Lisa.  I am divorced.  Just thing those three words brings tears to my eyes.  Not because I am sad and long for what is no more, but because I don't want those three words to be what defines me.  I am more than that.  There are so many things that I gave up as a wife, a mother, and a partner because I was trying to make the lives of others happier that I neglected myself.  I was so used to putting the wants and needs of others before my own that I allowed their happiness to become what made me happy.

Don't get me wrong, I will always live my life for others.  I believe I am here to serve.  I am responsible for the lives of two beautiful boys.  I thank God every day for allowing me to be their mother.  I chose the life of a teacher because it allows me to help others strengthen their lives and develop the passion for knowledge through learning.  These things will always be a part of my life.

This is my journey to help another important person. A person who I never thought was worth the attention.  A person that didn't deserve the qualities I worked at developing in others.  A person that was easy to overlook.  A person that has been lost for a very long time.

This is my attempt to find myself.

No comments:

Post a Comment