Monday, January 12, 2015

Dark Hallways and Locked Doors

There are days when I feel like I am walking alone in a dark hallway lined with doors and it is up to me to find the right door to open.  So many are locked and so many have been labeled incorrectly.  It is up to me to be knowledgable enough to know which door is the one I am supposed to open.

I've opened a couple of doors on my new journey.  One led me to a new church and another reintroduced me to a healthier lifestyle.  Don't get me wrong, I've opened just as many (if not more) wrong doors.  One made me realize I have developed trust issues, another was filled with self doubt, and another was full of loneliness.

What I need to constantly remind myself of is that I am the one with the power of choice.  I get to decide how long I stand in the doorway, if I cross the threshold, or if I close the door and walk away.

I'm not used to allowing myself to have the freedom of choice.  For me, choice has always been associated with guilt.  Guilt for allowing myself to be happy.  Guilt because those around me aren't as happy or won't allow themselves to become happy.

I am free from most of the guilt that I carried with me in the past. I just need to give myself permission to to open and close more doors in this now unfamiliar hallway.  I don't have to stand in the wrong threshold anymore.  I just need the confidence to walk away and try another door.

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